We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The adults are the big ones right?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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