dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just had sex bonerless
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
A+ Viking dick
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
