Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
