haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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