i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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