Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
