Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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