Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
