If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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