$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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