dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
