Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
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