dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
