your parents love me but you hate me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
