Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
