ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
