sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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