i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
