Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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