so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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