trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
