I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
