the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
