Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
