C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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