I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
home. puking in laundry basket.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
