she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
