I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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