Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
