You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
