I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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