If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
you never un-have a 4some
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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