who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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