He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
