I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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