I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
