I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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