I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
