Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
