I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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