whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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