ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Text me some of your sweat
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize