You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
