he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
