There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I AM VODKA MAN
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize