i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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