It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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