Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
