I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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