Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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