O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
