If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
