Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
