he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
