Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
