you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
