why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
