Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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