my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
