I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
