Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize