Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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