I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
