Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
