You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I want to be your penis for a week.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
