the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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