I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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