I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
