the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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