WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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