Soap is not a condiment
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
