you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
