Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
