I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My dick has a subreddit
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
